Heal
by CreativeSlash
Summary: Sometimes, all we need to do is be healed. To be healed of all wounds that remind us of the past. Let the scars fade away until they're a thing of the past. Yet, when old scars fade, new ones come into play. AU
1. Prologue

Facade: An outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality

Facades can be powerful. So powerful, they can completely conceal the person within, so now not even them themselves can recognize themselves.

Truly and Honestly, I stand among them.

There's more behind my life than just my mother's death. People hear that she died, and they always just take to the solution, "Oh, that's why she doesn't talk much." No, not even close. My Mother wasn't as perfect as she's always described as. She didn't die from some sickness. Or a car wreck.

No, she died from a _drug overdose._

Yep, my mother, was a crack addict. She completely despised me, and never wanted a thing to do with me. She died a few months after I was born, leaving my father to explain how she really died. Everyone who ever asked me about my mother, I responded with typical causes. Not because I didn't want to explain how she died.

I was too _ashamed. _

_Embarrassed._

She died, because she didn't want _me. _Yeah, well, least her and my father got along on something. He didn't want me either. He only kept me around, so I wouldn't go telling the police about his dealings. And, also so he got a punching bag to play with. I believe the correct term is, oh I don't know, _child abuse? _But I wouldn't dare tell anyone. Not with the threats that were thrown at me if I did.

Rape.  
>Beaten and Tortured. <em>Again.<em>  
>Death.<br>No, I know what you're thinking, and the abuse is not what put me in my current state today.

One year ago, 6 months, and 12 days ago, I was taken into an alley, and I was raped.

It was a cold, crisp night, with not a soul on the street. All except me. Figures. Walking past the alley nicknamed 'Soul Snatchers Alley' Where most rapes are figured to happen, I now dimly realize, Why in bloody hell was I walking past it? I Should have steered clear of it, but of course, it was _quicker, easier._ Unless, you know, an _obstacle_ gets in your way. My obstacle,was called an unknown guy pinning my arms against my back, and dragging me into the alleyway, suppressing every noise that ever left my throat.

I just figured I was getting mugged.

I just figured they'd realize I was a poor student and let me go.

I just figured I would get out of this unharmed.

Well, we all figure sometimes, right?

The rest, you can probably figure out.

My innocence was taken, all my hopes, everything I've held onto. _Gone._

After that obstacle was over and out, I received what was left of myself and limped and staggered back home, hoping my father was passed out drunk and not up and ready to kill me.

He was knocked out. Thank God _something_ actually went better today.

After that scarring day in time, I never look at anything the same anymore. Nothing. Myself, I'm a dirty slut who can never get clean. My father, a poor, unfortunate man who got a slutty daughter like me. No wonder he hits me, I probably deserve it. Any man, any physical contact, any references to sexual intercourse, I feel all the memories of that night, come flashing back. Hitting me in the face.

All facades go up with a reason. Some go up and come back down. Some never go down.

My facade will never go down. Not ever. I cling to that hope, like a life preserver.


	2. Chapter 1: Packing

Heal Chapter One

Haruhis POV

Moving. Pure Fun, right?

Wrong.

Finally, after packing for three days, with absolutely no help from my drunken father, I finished packing the entire house. All except the furniture, which, you know, is going to the van...Right...

"HARUHI!"

My ears perked at the sound of the owner's voice, my brown eyes widened in fear, and hands automatically started to go into defensive mode. Hesitantly, I answered back.

"Yeah, Dad?"

I heard a few footsteps, and then my father, purely furious, appeared in the doorway, red faced and all.

"Haruhi...Where, is all my liquor?" He asks quietly. Dangerously.

I swallowed, terrified of saying the wrong thing.

"Dad, I packed it. The moving van gets here tomorrow you know..." I trailed off, hoping he'd spare me for that pathetic reason.

I saw the glint in his eyes as I said packed. He was mad. _Boiling_ _mad._

He closed his eyes, calculating. Then, he smiled. A pure evil smile.

"Okay, Haruhi. I'm not going to punish you tonight. I'm going to punish you later. I'm won't tell you when though." He came over and got close to my ear. "You'll never know when it's coming, or what it is. It could be this..." He dug his nails in my arm, drawing blood. I gasped a sharp intake of breath. He dug harder and then threw my arm down. "...Or," He continued. "It could be this..." His hand went to the hem of my shirt and slowly pulled it up, while his hand explored underneath my shirt. I gasped, silent tears sliding down my cheeks.

No...Not again...

"Please!" I Gasped out, almost in hysterics.

His hand reached the bottom of my bra, it stopped, taunting. I was nearly in hysterics by the time he was there. Finally, he pulled his hand out.

He grinned. "Well, I know which one will be more fun." He winked and walked out the door, grabbing his keys. Making his daily commute to the liquor store no doubt.

I slid down the wall, still crying hysterically. It almost happened, _again._ Isn't it bad enough I went through it the first time?

I still feel my father's hands on my stomach, roaming endlessley. Not afraid of what he was doing. Just like the man from the alley.

_Hands sliding on my stomach, touching everything. Getting his filth on my once clean body. His hands, ripping off my clothing. Ripping away my innocence. _

_Ripping clothes._

_Touching hands._

_Filth. All the filth..._

I gasped at the sudden flashback, and all the emotions that came with it. Fresh tears bubbled to my eyes, a sudden wave of emotion hitting me in the process. I stood up, tottering on my own feet, now desperate for a shower.

_Must clean filth. Must cleanse body..._

I full on sprinted to the bathroom, bursting through the door and slamming it behind me. I quickly stripped off all my clothes and turned the shower to the hottest it would go. I jumped it, letting the scolding water try and scrape off the forever filth that lingered on my body. My flesh was burning, tinged with pink. Although my flesh was burning, the filth never came off. It clings to my skin, with every scrub, every shower, everything, it never comes off. I grabbed the washcloth that hung from the towel rack, and scrubbed like it was going to help anything. No matter how hard I scrubbed, the filth remained.

_Never be clean._

_Always filthy._

_His grime all over you..._

I Shut my eyes and let the scolding water pour all over me, burning my flesh in the process. My head fell back and I rubbed my eyes with my palms. It was never going to stop. This feeling of never being able to get clean. Get rid of this filth.

Finally, the water grew cold, no longer heating my body up. I groaned in annoyance and shut it off.

After the water shut off, the cool air hit my naked body, making me shiver and wanting to turn the water back on. I stepped out of the shower, grabbing the towel I made sure I didn't pack, and dried myself. Slipping into my cotton pajamas, I walked back into the living room and placed myself on the couch.

Suddenly, I remembered what else was tomorrow. Besides the moving van.

Aw, Shit.

The Plane to Englands tomorrow.

I didn't pack our suitcases.

Like a tornado, I whipped to each and every room. Finding the boxes, ripping them open, taking out some clothes, and taping them back up again. Not twenty seconds after I finished re-taping all the boxes, the door openen with slam, and in came my completely stoned father.

"H-haa-aru-uhi," He slurred and stuttered.

I looked up, completely saddened at what my father had been reduced to.

"Yes, Dad?"

He stumbled and tottered over to me, managing to fall into a few things on his way, and grasped my shoulders tightly.

"Don't _ever _scare me like that again! You here me?"

I must've looked confused, since he elaborated on what he thought was me scaring him.

"You know! When you rode the alien's tractor, and he called the pizza dog on you!" He said in a hushed voice, looking around in a paranoid way as if the 'aliens' were listening at the moment.

"Yeah, Dad, I won't. Don't worry."

He nodded and did a three sixty paranoid look about, and stumbled off to his room. I sighed and looked at the clock. _Eleven at night.._

I visibly shuddered. Eleven, wasn't the best time for me.

Suddenly, a crash sounded from Dad's room, filling the whole apartment in the crashing echo.

"Dad?" I asked, slightly panicked.

I heard a grumble followed by a string of curse words, when the door opened. He came stumbling out, with a quite angry expression.

"Move," He grumbled and pushed me out of the way, onto the floor.

I sighed and got to my feet, and headed to my bedroom, officially closing in for the night.

I crawled under the covers, and turned off the lamp, waiting for sleep to consume me for the inevitable moving day tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 2: Memories and New Beginnings

_Heal Chapter 2 Part 2_

_Dark, eery silence always consumed the alley on the west side of town. Not a soul was there, as usual._

_Except for tonight._

_A noise sounded from the alley. A sound of a shoe scuffing the concrete. Before I had a chance to react, a hand placed itself over my mouth, muffling all noise._

_Dammit. Mugged, great. I was going to be late coming home._

_As soon as my back pressed against the grimy alley wall, the hand over my mouth disappeared. Finally, I got to speak._

_"Look, i don't have any money. I'm just a student."_

_The mugger laughed, a deep throaty laugh._

_"I find it simply hilarious how you think I want your money," He breathed into my ear._

_Confused, I adjusted to try and get a better look at him, but he just held me tighter against the wall. I felt his hands find their way under my blouse, and I gasped in shock and repulsion._

_"Pervert!" I yelled in a whispered tone, trying to push his hands away. This action seemed to accomplish nothing but to anger him. Fuming, he slapped his hand across my face. Hard._

_"Look, bitch, don't fight back, and this'll go real smooth," He growled._

_I nodded, tears racing down my cheeks. No...this isn't happening..._

_That thought disappeared as I felt his hands tearing at my clothes._

_My brain, a little slow today, finally realized I was being raped._

_All defenses went up. My body shut off all senses, putting me in a trance. However, that didn't stop the assaults on my body._

_Hands tearing at my clothes._

_Thrusting, in and out, at an agonizing pace._

_And the filth. Oh, all the filth. Everywhere, never coming off-_

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!_

I shot straight up, sweat pouring down my face, panting and gasping as I looked around to locate the source of the noise. Finally, I realized the noise was simply coming from my alarm clock. Pressing the 'off' button, I let my head fall into my hands. Well, the dream came again. Hell bent, it seemed, on torturing me time and time again. Just sitting there for a few minutes, I let my breathing and heart rate regulate back to normal, before I started to get ready. The movers would be here at 3, and the plane takes off a 9. Perfect.

Shifting out of bed, I rose to get the clothes I left out of the boxes.

I walked out of my room in a pair of casual black pants and a dark blue button down shirt.

It was honestly kind of sad seeing the house empty. It feels like just yesterday we moved in, from the old apartment on the other side of Tokyo.

_The door swung open, revealing a small, yet cozy two bedroom apartment. It felt like home, It looked like home. Heck, it even smelled like home. I can just imagine where all the furniture would go. The black sofa would go there, the Brown wooden side tables would go there..._

_The cocaine stash would go there._

_And they'd pass out over there, against that wall._

_Tears sprung into my eyes, as I realized how this little apartment, was made for a small, happy family. Not some crackhead family who wouldn't even notice the beauty. They were too busy hosting parties and getting high._

_It wouldn't be the cozy little house where friends and relatives would visit._

I snapped out of my flashback as the word 'relative' came up. Ah, the relatives. They were the only normal ones in the family. My Grandparents. Especially Dad's side.

_"Haruhi," A voice rasped, weakened and crackling from years of screaming on the sidelines. My head turned around to my grandfather, Isaac. He smiled kindly at me, motioning for me to come over. I rose to my feet, and walked across his fluffy white carpet to meet him at his armchair. I kneeled at the armrest and looked at him, curosity lighting my eyes._

_"Yes, Grandfather?" I asked, pushing a stray hand of hair out of my face._

_"I have something I want to give you. Something back from my childhood," He rasped, reaching into his pocket to retrieve whatever it was. He pulled out a coin of some sort, silver, like any other coin. He handed it to me, and I eyed it curiously. It had an eagle on it, and an odd symbol. I've never seen it before. _

_"What is it, Grandfather?" I asked in a confused tone._

_"That, Haruhi, is a coin from the concentration camp Auschwitz in Poland," He said somewhat quietly._

_I looked up at him, questions in my eyes. "What's a concentration camp? Is it like a math camp?"_

_He shook his head softly. "No Haruhi. Have you ever heard of the Holocaust? It happened around the 1940s?"_

_I nodded my head, somewhat understanding. "Wasn't that when the Germans killed all those Jewish people? Oh, what was the group called...Nacis? No...Nazis! That's it, Nazis," I said, proud that I managed to remember it._

_He nodded his heads. "They killed more than Jewish people, Haruhi. They killed different people. Gypsies, Homosexuals, and people like me, with disabilities. A concentration camp was a camp set up by the Nazis, to keep people like us in there, to torture us, to embarrass us, to kill us. This coin," He pointed at the coin. "Was the currency the Nazis used in the camps. I found this on the ground during role call one day, and I've had it ever since."_

_I looked at him, shocked. I never knew he was so involved in World War 2. _

_"Grandfather...are you sure you want me to have this coin? I mean, it's such a big part of your past, and I wouldn't want to take that away from you."_

_He looked at me and smiled. "Haruhi, this coin might be a big part of my past, but you are a bigger part of my future. I want you and everyone else who follows, to know how much I went through, to get our family where it is today. Strong and Independant." _

_I looked up at him, determination in my dark brown eyes. "Grandfather, I will never let this coin out of my sight. Not until it is passed down."_

And to this day, I've kept that promise. The coin still sits in my pocket, with me everywhere I go. Every night, I take the coin out and just stare at it, mesmerized by how much history this one coin held. It was in a Nazi_ Concentration Camp._ Back then, when my Grandfather spoke to me of the concentration camps, I didn't fully realize how bad the camps were until I researched it online when I reached an older age.

Just then, I realized how much this coin meant to my Grandfather, to the _world._ They wanted to hear stories like his, they wanted to hear mistakes, so they would not be made again.

Which is exactly what I want to do.

When I get out of this house, I'm getting my degrees in English Literature, and Holocaust and Genocide Studies, and I'm telling the world. I'm telling the entire world how much he went through, so they can realize how much truly happened.

But, I'm getting off topic of relatives. My Grandmother passed away early, so I never met her. Now, onto _Mom's_ family. Let's just say, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree on this one.

_The door squeaked open as we entered the run down Tokyo apartment. A full cloud of smoke greeted me, and sent me doubling over in a coughing fit. This is what always greeted me when I stepped into my Grandparents apartment in the slums. Remember how your grandparents always baked you cookies and had lemonade ready? _

_Hah, well, My grandparents had a pile of meth on the coffee table and about twenty bottles of whiskey, vodka, and anything else in the cabinets. _

_My Mom's parents always thought my dad was a perfect match for their daughter, while I was just an annoying little brat who got in the way of fully supported wild partying, underage drinking, teen sex, jail time, anything, that was deemed 'bad' they supported._

_This time, when we visited, there was a cop-worthy party going on. Automatically, my dad let go of my hand and immediately went off to find a girl for the night. Leaving me, a six year old girl, to navigate her way throughout a wild, crack party. My first instinct was to go to the bedroom, and hide out there until the party dissolved. _

_So, I led myself through crowds of people to the back bedroom. Let's just say, bad place to go. What met my eyes when I opened the doors, was a man, no older than thirty, dark brown hair, very thin, and a woman, blonde hair, curvy figure, furiously making out on the blue comforter, ripping and tearing at each others clothing. I closed the door in a quick and quiet motion, freaked out greatly, and decided not to check the other bedrooms, hoping not to arrive at the same sight. _

_So, I hid out in the linen closet in the hallway. Just until the cops broke up the party at about four in the morning. _

So, there's my mother's family. Amazing, huh? Both sides of my family's parents are dead now. Mom's side from an overdose and lung cancer, and Grandfather from dying peacfully in his sleep.

All I have now is dad. Aren't I lucky?

I resumed walking through the empty house, musing at all the memories it brought back.

_Knock Knock_

My head turned to the door, realizing the movers were here. I quickly walked over to the door, opening it to reveal two burly men.

"Hi, is this the Fujioka residence?"

I smiled, trying to make them feel welcome.

"Why yes it is. Please, come in."

The movers were very efficient and quick, loading all the boxes and furniture onto the truck in no time. Finally, there were only our suitcases and carry ons in the empty house. I sat down on my floor, looking around in wonder. The room was completely bare. Typical Japanese room.

_I wonder what a typical English room looks like, _I mused.

Guess we'll have to find out.

oooooooooo

Dad finally woke up, sober, and drove to the airport, looking at the house one final time.

We reached Haneda International Airport, and checked in our bags and ourselves. We left the car in the parking lot, having already gotten paid for it. Dad sold it to one of his crack buddies, telling him we couldn't have our car over in England. We were going to buy a new car over there.

Finally, our flight was called. As I stepped onto the plane and to my seat, I said my final goodbye, to my old home known as Japan. Leaving all the memories with it.


End file.
